by JWayne on Mon Sep 15, 2008 4:34 am
I was saved at the age of 11, and was so full of the spirit, that I could hardly keep it controlled. I was on fire for the next 5 years, doing whatever I could to please God.
My wife and I met in August of '75. Shortly after in September my mother passed away, and her father had passed away just a few months earlier. As we dated for the next year, I began to get further and further away from church. We would go occasionally, but it seemed that there was always something better to be done.
We married in July of '76, and by this time we were pretty much withdrawn from the church. We thought we were ready to face the world on our own. My dad was pushing me to find a better job than the one I had at the feed store, so I went to work in a local factory, My wife was working at the local "shirt factory", and then soon she also went to work at one of the local factories. Being that we both worked the 3-12 shift, it was so easy not to get up and go to church on Sunday mornings.
After 8 years in the factory, I was laid off, and the factory which my wife was working in was shutting down. I found a job in a convinent store working the midnight shift. Now it was even easier not to have to get up early on Sunday morning. Just a few months later, I went to work at another one with a slight raise, working 45 hrs a week.
One afternoon, one of the regulars, asked me if I wanted a job as an assistant manager for him at Long John Silvers. I had no experience but what the hey, it was more money. I did very well working for LJS, earned a lot of awards, got to do a lot of traveling, made a name for my self, and continues to make more money. I worked for LJS for 15 yrs (all along we never attended church, because I was too busy, and of course Sunday's were a big day and I always had to work).
In late 2000, I was so burnt out, things were really getting bad with the company. We had been through 6 buy-outs and every time we would loose some benefits. So I went looking, I was getting no where and it was time to move on.
January 2001, I went to work for Cracker Barrel. Wow nice raise, did take a demotion from General Manager at LJS, to assistant but was making lots more, but I soon found out, I was in the ride of my life.
Cracker Barrel was 4 times harder than LJS. October 2002, I ended up in the hospital with a 95% blockage, and ended up with 4 stents. I forgot to mention that while I was training with CB, (10 week boot camp) I got sick with my gall bladder and had to have surgery, our house burnt, one of my bil's died of esophagus cancer, and a retarded man was trying to harish my 12 yo daughter while I was out of town.
We would soon be moving away with my job to another city where we knew no one.
After having the stents, I continued to have angina attacks and was in and out of the hospital every time I turned around. Nov. 2003, depression hit and hit hard. Between the pressures at work, 12-15 hrs 6 days a week, and still having heart problems, problems just kept building.
Finally after Christmas and the first of the year, things seemed to be getting better. The angina was lessening, the depression was getting better and my district manager was grooming me for a promotion.
I took the promotion, which meant lots more money, so we packed up and moved to Atlanta. This to say the least was the worst mistake of my life. The DM had told me so many lies about the store I was going to, which just happened to be the worst store in the company, had had 6-7 managers in the past year.
I went at it full force, but it was eating me alive. My depression reared back, worse than before. My family was so home sick. The kids were not happy in their schools, where we lived they had no friends.
On Aug 20th, I was demoted back to assistant manager. This was on a Friday, so my DM told me to take the weekend off and the report to a new store on Monday. As I was getting out of the van at home, my wife come walking out with the phone in hand and told me it was my dad. My step mother had just passed away. So we packed up and headed home for her funeral. When I finally got back the next Wed. my new store was 1 1/2 hrs away from where we lived on the other side of Atlanta. I did this for several months, as things seemed to constantly be getting worse.
Finally in April 2005, I was transferred back to Tennessee, but the store was again 1 1/2 hours away from home. I drove this for the next several months, until finally an opening came up in a town 30 minutes from home. So in June, I made yet another transfer.
By this time I was so burnt out, I was fighting a terrible battle with depression, and the job was just plain horrible. The management team in this store was horrible. They were the laziest people I have ever seen in my life. In Sept. I had a nervous breakdown and was forced (told to admit myself or would be admitted by the law) to go in the hospital. I spent 7 days, in the hospital. When I got out I was better than I was when I went in but I still was not ready to face the world, especially through Cracker Barrel.
I went back to work, and talk about a struggle to keep my sanity. Two weeks later, every thing came to a boil, and I walked out and quit my job of nearly 5 years. Depression was winning it's battle over me.
For the next 5 months I was without a job, could not draw unemployment, (wife had not worked for yrs), all I could thing of ending my life. It was not worth it anymore. Then in March 2006, I went to work for Fred's (Dollar Store) as assistant manager. Fortunately this store was only 10 minutes from home.
Come April, the DM came to me offering promotion to General Manager in another store, where the GM was being demoted. This was not really a good time as there were still so many things that were not going right. My dad was in the hospital (out of town of course) for rectal bleeding, which turned out they had to remove half of his colon. Then the next day he suffered a major stroke.
I told the DM that I was not ready to step back up into the manager position, but he would not have it any other way. So I took the promotion and once again was stuck with one of the worst stores in the company.
Late June, the depression was building and building. I hated my job. All of the issues with my dad, my other health problems were taking a huge toll. On July 17th, I ended back in the hospital, and this time was there for nearly two weeks. Fred's fired me the day I went into the hospital, and I have not worked since.
I know this has been very long, but there is a point to it, and that is that all this time, I was trying to face the world myself. God had been put on the back burner. As I look back, I now see and know that He was there the whole time. He was there the night I was driving home from work, (with it raining so hard I could hardly see the road) and came so close to making sure I did not make the u coming off the interstate, and all of the other times when I wanted to take the box cutter and slice my wrists, the times I was driving down a busy two way highway, thinking about swerving into the other lane into oncoming traffic.
But finally after I quit CB, we started going back to church, and I, after being so stubborn and taking the world on myself, I turned my life back over to God, and told Him, the rest was up to Him.
For the past several years we have struggled greatly. We've lost practically everything we've owned. We have lived on food stamps, and our eldest son has given up so much in order to help us. but through it all, the past two and half years were made bearable because we put God back in our lives where He belongs.
God takes care of His children. We may not have all the things we want or the things we think we need, but those things that we need for survival, God gives.
I am living proof that God will never forsake us. And my life I owe to him.
